Grace and Permission To Do Things Different

I've officially been an empty nester now for two years. It feels longer, but that's probably because my daughter was the first to leave for college and that was five years ago.

In that time period, there have been a LOT of changes. Some because of decisions my husband and I made, and some because life ebbs and flows and brings about things we can't anticipate.

Some of the ones within our control were things like purge cleaning our house and moving to the beach. We downsized and embraced a new city and lifestyle and then a global pandemic hit. That certainly brought changes beyond our control.

In the midst of that, I finished grad school and then graduated in May of this year. I now work part-time as a chaplain and I also have gone back to writing. (I had taken a bit of a break while getting my masters degree.)

As an empty nester and after graduation, I thought about how I wanted to be intentional in moving forward. I don't want to do things the way I've always done them. But I have found those changes tougher to make than I thought.

Is it because I'm not creative enough in doing things a new way, or possibly lack a level of bravery needed? Is it that I've just become so comfortable with the known that to venture into unknown just seems too big and overwhelming?

I try to give myself grace. It's a process. A journey. As much as I would love a map or a plan, I need to do a bit of trial and error as I go - see what works and leave what doesn't.

I've found myself falling back into ruts where I am doing things the way I used to do them. I become aware and then think through what needs to change.

I think that awareness in and of itself is growth.

One thing I have discovered in this time of life is that most of my day, most of what I do, isn't influenced or driven by anyone but me.

That may seem like a no-brainer since I don't have kids at home anymore so their schedules and needs aren't here, but it's a tougher transition that one might think. It feels weird. And it takes adjusting.

One recent thing I have discovered is how I do my calendar. I live and die by calendars. I found one not long ago in a box of memorabilia that I had from kindergarten.

I had a day planner when I was five. It's true.

I have done a bit of trial and error, going back and forth between using only my phone (electronic calendar) and using a paper day planner. I'm a writer. I love paper and pens, but also appreciate the convenience of the one on my phone.

I found myself seeing different planners online and getting excited and pumped to get organized. And I'll admit I tried a few. However, I sat down the other day and looked at all the journals and calendars and "stuff" I carry and just got tired.

And then it hit me.

I don't have nearly as much on my calendar or to do list as I used to AND THAT'S OKAY.

But again, the reality of it is weird for me and takes some getting used to. We also live in a culture where a full, busy calendar is a badge of honor (but that's a whole other blog post).

In all honesty, a global pandemic has also taken a decent amount of things off my calendar as well. That has also taken quite a bit of getting used to.

Change is hard. And good. And sometimes weird. But I think the biggest thing for me has been to give myself grace and permission. Grace as I acclimate to all the changes and permission to do things in new ways and in ways that work FOR ME.

My husband and I went to the beach yesterday for some Labor Day downtime. We watched as a man nearby set up nine umbrellas for his group. Nine. We discussed how he could have saved himself some time and covered more ground had he used a pop-up, but the result of his efforts was a beautiful little cluster of color that brought joy to that little spot on the beach.

I had to take a photo….

He did things HIS way and it added color and life to those around him.

I’m not saying that how I do my calendar will bring about the same result, but I do wonder what would happen if we all gave ourselves grace and permission to do things in a way that works with who we are and where we are in life. Maybe there would be a bit more color and life in the world.

Is there something in life you could yourself a bit of grace and permission to do differently?

Letting Go

I've been spending time reading a wonderful book called Soulful Simplicity by Courtney Carver. I'm actually re-reading it having read it a few years ago. When I read it the first time, it helped me purge clean my house before my husband and I downsized and moved to the beach as Empty Nesters.

Reading it now is bringing about a whole new level of wanting to live a simpler daily existence. Maybe it's because I'm a few years older, maybe it's because I am in a completely new season of life and maybe it's because I have spent time deep diving into my anxiety issues and seeing how "stuff" has only added to my angst.

As much as I am seeing the clutter around me that has added to my anxiety, I am also recognizing how often I try to "add" things to my life because I think it will enhance the person I feel I need to be rather than embracing WHO I AM.

For example, I was sipping coffee and watching Home Town on Saturday morning. I was also reading favorite blogs. I noticed apps on my phone that I had added to "help" me enhance this Lara I imagine I need to be.

I am now a Chaplain. I read my Bible. I pray. I study. But I had added two apps to "help" me listen and read scripture MORE. As I looked at the apps again Saturday morning, I was reminded of something I already know about myself which is I don't listen, I read. I am not an audiobook person and I only have 2 podcasts I listen to and one of the main reasons is that they are never more than 15 minutes long. For some reason I can sit still for an hour to read something but not more than 15 minutes to listen. (And yes, I've tried listening while driving or doing other things but I end up driving or doing those things and zone out so I don't listen.)

This embracing of who I am (a reader type) and letting go who I am not (a listener type) is freeing. Quite frankly, all of this reminds me of something vitally important that I forget all too often…

I AM ENOUGH

How I read or study scripture is ENOUGH

How I prefer to read over listening is ENOUGH

I don’t need to add MORE to make anything better.

I have all I need.

I AM ENOUGH

It's mental clutter I am learning about this time around as I embrace and glean wisdom about Soulful Simplicity.

I am learning that living simply isn't so much about having less, but rather seeing what I have or who I am is enough.

And it's not just about stuff in my house - physical items. I have always had a mentality that having choices is best. I am learning how false that notion really is. I am becoming aware of how many streaming services I have. Do I need them ALL? Yes, some were acquired during 2020 when watching shows was a part of survival. But how many of them do I really, truly use? And I didn't realize until recently how just knowing they are there is stressful. They are there so I have to use them right? One more thing to do. One more thing to choose from. It's not all that different from the apps either.

So I am trying to pay attention to what I honestly use and what I don't. Or rather, I'm asking myself the question, "Do I have this because I really want this or do I have this because it fits into the category of me trying to be a different version of myself?" If I really want it and use it - including non-tangible items like apps or streaming services - then it stays. If not, it goes.

And it is so awesome how freeing it is to let go.

I have just begun to de-clutter my mental life and it is amazing how free I am feeling already. I was worried about letting go. And on some levels I still am. I appreciate that Courtney says in Soulful Simplicity that it's a marathon and not a sprint. We don't just purge clean our homes and all the emotional "stuff" that led to having more than we need just disappears. It's a process and a journey. And we all live it and walk it in our own ways.

I'm just grateful that my journey has less...less to worry about, less to take care of, and less of stuff I simply don't need.

I have all I need

I am enough

Begin Again...

Being out in the world again has reminded me of all the things I want to write about - smiles, great food, wonderful characters, beautiful settings and quite frankly, a renewed sense of curiosity about the world.

Life moves in seasons. With all the changes that came in the past few years, it’s time to begin again. It's a new season.

I begin again…

I find a new normal. I embrace things with wonder and curiosity. And move forward with excitement and joy.

The season I find myself in right now is one of an Empty Nester. It has been a long and painful road to get to a place of peace, and at some point I will blog about the tougher moments.

But for now, life is full of baseball games, road trips, and my husband and I getting to know one another again with all the new things we want to do and try, while having a 30+ years history to build on.

It's a beautiful time. Truly.

I think in many ways we begin again over and over and over in life. After marriage, when a child arrives, when a job changes, when a move to a new city is required…. When kids grow up and leave the nest.

I just recently discovered how much I love the work I am doing. I am writing and now I am working as a Chaplain. I love it. And not that I didn't love any of the other jobs I've had in my lifetime, but this is the first time in 20+ years that I can wake up, have coffee with my husband, walk the dogs and them dive into a work day. I really, really enjoy it.

I being again…

New season. New work.

New can be scary.

And I am beginning to see it can also be great.

Whether you are in a season for a while or headed into a new one, I toast you. I applaud all that you have accomplished and celebrate with you all that is to come. As we begin again after this crazy year or so. Great things are ahead. I know it.

We begin again…